Is there a Z-Pak for the computer?

Well, my first attempt at blogging was pretty exciting, but just as I started passing out the address, both of my computers got a virus and I have been shut down all week. Now I am in Dallas, Texas, for Spring Break but will hopefully have a chance to write some more. I hope that you all have a good weekend with your precious daughters. (I think I might have a spiritual analogy developing from this computer virus experience.)

Remember when...

When things are very conflictual, I sometimes have moms and daughters sit down together and look at pictures of when the daughter was a baby. This simple exercise seems to accomplish several things. First, it gives mom and daughter a pretty non-threatening activity to share together. It also gives the mom an opportunity to share memories and express to the daughter the story behind the pictures and some of the feelings that she had for her during those times. This can be a time of really blessing your daughter by expressing to her how loved and wanted she was and how happy the family was when she was born. In my own life, even now my daughter and I will run into some of the precious women that prayed for me when I was having trouble getting pregnant the first time. They usually share two things with her--they can't believe that she is 11 already and then they tell her how much we all prayed for her before she was born. Even though she doesn't totally understand, it has given me the opportunity to share with her just how very much she was wanted. For those of you who had similar issues or maybe were not able to give birth to a child, share with your daughter how much she was wanted.

Maybe that was not your situation at all. No matter what circumstances led to your daughter's conception, God knew her and had a plan for her life from the beginning. Rick Warren reminds us of this fact in his book, "The Purpose Driven Life." Bless your daughter (and comfort yourself) with that reminder. Psalm 139:13-16 beautifully expresses this truth.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eye saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Okay, so back to the pictures...The third thing that this can accomplish is to soften our hearts as mothers. Remember that precious little girl and the delight that she was? She is still in there and hopefully you get glimpses of her occassionally. Don't forget--you are still the adult in this situation. Try not to take the hurtful comments too personally. Pray that you will be able to show your daughter grace and forgiveness even when you may want to show her out the door. I am not saying to ignore or allow disrespectful behavior, but take some deep breaths before you respond and now, more than ever, choose your battles carefully.

This week:

• Try the photo exercise with your daughter
• Pray for wisdom to know which battles to fight and which ones to quietly address and move on
• Check out Stormie Omartian's book, "The Power of a Praying Parent." This is a great guide for praying for all areas of your child's life.

Why this blog?

WIT stands for, "Who is this_____?" You may fill in the blank with "girl," "stranger that looks like my daughter," " ball of hormones," " person talking to me like that," and on and on... To survive these years may push you to your "WIT's end," or require a lot of "WIT" and humor to make it through. Whatever your situation, I hope that this blog will be a source of information and encouragement for moms who are feeling discouraged as their daughter moves through adolescence. I will try to share helpful books, articles and other resources for moms. This time can be one of the most trying for mother and daughter, but it can also be a time of growth that lays the foundation for a great relationship in the future. It may be hard to see at the time, but conflict can be an opportunity for building intimacy.

I will talk more about this paradox next time.